How Not To Get Hired

For the last week or two, I've been interviewing potential summer interns. Here's a couple lessons on what to do and what not to do when applying for a job.

First, don't say you're looking forward to working at a leading pharmaceutical firm, when the company you're applying to is actually a small software startup.

Second, put your name in the subject of the email you send (after all, you are the subject). It will help your interviewer pick out your resume from the sea of other resumes all titled "Summer Internship".

Third, if you receive a response from the company, and they say they'd like to speak to you any time except for Thursday from noon to 2pm, don't suggest Thursday at noon as being a good time for you.

Fourth, if they say they'd like to speak to you on the phone, don't reply asking where you should meet them. And especially don't suggest that they meet you near your house.

Fifth, if you schedule a time for a phone screen, don't let your phone run out of batteries, and don't wander into an area where you don't get reception.

Sixth, show up within ten minutes of your scheduled interview time, preferably on the early side. If you happen to arrive a whole hour early, just wait quietly in your car for 50 minutes, or go get some coffee and come back.

Seventh, if you're late, pretend it was because the place was hard to find.

Eighth, don't ask your interviewer if the company has somewhere that you'll be able to stay, because you've been living in a dorm the entire year. In the corporate world, it's customary for employees to make their own housing arrangements.

Ninth, don't use your communication skills merely to communicate your belief that you possess communication skills. Instead, communicate something useful, like what particular things you could do that you think might be useful to the company.

I'm sure I'll have more to add to this list in the future...

Posted on May 14, 2004 12:55 PM
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Comments

What are your thoughts on 17 page resumes?

We just interviewed this one guy who, it turned out, couldn't code his way out of a wet paper bag. His resume contained things such as

* Developed parts of system

Posted by: Jesse at May 14, 2004 06:38 PM

Of all of the tasks I have done as an engineer, I hate interviewing candidates the most.
I feel awful when underqualified people were desperate to impress me. I remember one woman who was desperate to answer my questions to the point of bringing a book and notes to answer some C Coding questions (not a test mind you, just a few general ones). The woman had terrible language skills(she was ESL), scary comments, and had to be dropped off at the interview by her recruiter(no drivers license). At the end I had to drive her to the T Station , awkwardly knowing there is no way in the world I would hire her, but hearing her hopeful and even slightly fawning attempts at banter made me feel like a total jerk. She later followed up with numerous emails,a letter, and phone calls.

I guess I hated giving rejection, I didnt mind rejecting people who were close to being hired or who were jerks about it (co-ops during the boom were the worst) . Just the people who knew they were unqualifed and hoped I would see some value in them,and give them a chance. People who wanted me to validate them as either a genius or someone who could keep them from losing their house.

An interview is about two things, can you be trusted to do the job, and will you make me want to stab myself 14 times rather than discuss anything with you.

Posted by: drlloyd11 at May 15, 2004 05:43 AM

The first one reminded me of interviewing at Georgia Tech back in the early '80s. One of the companies that came to campus was HBO & Company, which did healthcare software. I wasn't quite sure what they did, but at least I was one of the ones that knew they weren't the cable company.

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